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If One Day I’d Run Away, You’d Know Why…

What’s worse? Getting hit by a truck or getting stab at the heart? In minutes both will all be over. There’s even a good chance that you will never remember how it felt to be in one those situations or better yet you’ll no longer exist to actually remember it. So it’s none of the above. For me, worst is to have to see your whole being gradually dissolve in front of you. And all you wish you can do is to wear you cap, put on your sunglasses and run your way out of it…fast!

I imagine my present life as a water free flowing on a single steady path going nowhere but the drainage. And as my life travels from a single channel to another, I can feel the stillness of a whole world without care–a kind of peace characterized by such coldness that will never put you to rest.

One time, I woke up in the middle of the night with one short scream. It was loud, but kind of laid back, a result of a quick realization that it was all just a dream and there’s no way that dreams will ever invade reality. Well, I dreamt that the person I hate the most (my cousin) is going to live here in Davao and torment me as long as I’m here. I took a deep breath and calm my self by reassuring that dreams are opposite of what happens in reality. Eventually, I was sleeping like a baby once again.

But tomorrow was the big surprise. Tomorrow, after school I was eager to ask my mother about my cousin and if she has plans of moving here. And my mother thinking twice whether she’d reveal her family’s little secret, asked me an if-question. And we all know what situational questions are for, it is to let you know in an indirect manner that the condition presented is actually the past, the present or the near future of someone you know so well (either the speaker or the listener). And in this case, it was my life and thanks to my prophetic dream I realized how tragic it will be.

As a teaser, let me first introduce to you my cousin Ickick, that ingrate who once in my life, I considered a best friend cousin. In the past, she double-crossed me and ruined my relationship with my sister, (the relationship) which on that time was already in the ICU. She falsified stories that made most of my relatives hate my guts and wish I was not sharing their bloodline. Thanks to her, the criticisms I receive per month doubled in a miraculous high-speed. And my image was distorted to the point wherein it was no longer recognizable. And she had to accomplish it all during the time that I’m nowhere near to defend myself. What a creep!

There was actually a conspiracy behind the sudden unfortunate turn of events that currently unfold in my life. A plan concocted by none other than my uncle and his ever faithful cohort, my mother. And like my cousin, they accomplished their plan the moment I am alone and defenseless. My father, who was my only sympathizer, went on a business trip to Visayas. And since the day the ingrate invaded my humble abode, I was not able to contact him. His cellphone, one of the most useless things in the world, was as usual, out reach and outside coverage area.

I can see only one probable reason for pursuing a plan which everyone knew would incite negative emotions from me, who unmistakably was not given the chance to settle the score. Well, my mother said that she never really understood my side (I’m quite doubtful!). For her, all negative but very human emotions are vague stuff. This I don’t find reasonable unless she’s a hell hound in disguise. Let me explain. See a self-proclaimed goody-two-shoe who can understand why some guy like my uncle would prefer a type of women who would leave him for some guy who has money over and over again and despite lessons from experiences. Not only that, she’d prefer reasoning out for this same guy who would prefer her daughter working as an entertainer in Japan because of the money the poor child is expected to earn. And besides all that, she openly confesses that her biggest difficulty is to comprehend the situation of a person who got angry with someone who destroyed his/her reputation. What on earth would you call that????

Figuratively she’s that villain in batman that has his face equally divided into two parts which in appearance are poles apart…one is a monster’s face while the other can be judged as normal. And having her around for 19 years makes me consider the possibility of running away. And make me wish for an early graduation and even disappearing into thin air.

Well the reason applies for my uncle, who is in cahoots with my mother. He’s simple minded, money oriented, spoiled, certified pompous and ever dependent youngest child in their family. He’s the arthritis in everyone’s back please welcome my Tito Edgar! And the crowd says boo in unison.

He went to our house with his son three years ago, telling everyone that he’s a desperate guy but when given the opportunity to work as a jeepney driver, he declined. When someone suggested about applying for a blue collar job, he again declined. And in one of those days when all he did was to sit around in his room and watched at his room’s very own television, in our house, a bulb accidentally lighted and right then and there Idigar (var. for Edgar) had an idea. Iddie (var. for Idigar) thought that the fastest way to succeed and earn lot’sa money is to work at none other than…nope! Not a company…wrong again, it’s not a big business… it’s at Panacan Galleria (the home of chickens who fight for their lives). Well, his actual work there is to give a one additional claw to the chicken that currently and ever since, has five per paw. This additional claw, he said, is as sharp as a knife and the only way to start a living in this kind of profession is to borrow five thousand from grandlola (his mommy dearest). Which grandlola permitted, the next week to follow Idigar became a mantatari (a guy who provides the additional claw for the chicken).

Of course as anyone who has a right mind would predict, Idigar didn’t get rich. On the contrary, he was pushed to stop the mantatari business and was again dipped into bankruptcy. Idigar is not the kind of guy who strives on his own and learns to stand from every fall; he is that special kinda guy who has two fairy god mothers by the name of Liza and Stella, who are always there to create the perfect opportunity.

So on one morning, Iddie’s lotto ticket (the winning numbers as well as the ticket were provided by the fairy god mothers) hit the jackpot, and from being a loser he emerged as the owner/manager of a very spacious karinderia at the side of the school where my ex is currently enrolled. Wow! Luck turns for iddie, but luck runs out for his dear son. He shoved his son back to his mother’s womb and got himself a booby girlfriend. The stroke of luck is fast and so as the growth of his insatiable appetite for more. He hired four extra people to do a three men’s job (including his own). And he constantly complained why he isn’t earning as much the old owner had. He blamed it all on one of his four workers, accusing the person of stealing money from him. He dreads cost-cutting so he brought another person to help him, my cousin–the ever plastic being who allegedly, stole something from the tindahan next to their house in Novaliches. And despite my disapproval, they continued with their plan underground. My mother even told me that if this devilish brother of hers pursued the plan, she will cut all our ties with him. And guess what? Two days ago I woke up hearing my uncle’s voice downstairs. And then my mother denied ever saying the phrase “cutting the ties with him”.

Think about living with all those people, and constantly resisting their compelling influence in your life. Think about having to deal with their dysfunctions everyday and having to raise them if not accept that some just never grow up! And the worst is above all, is seeing their hands on the control system of your life. Don’t you wish you can just wear your cap and put on your sunglasses and run your way out of it…fast? Cause in minutes, it’s not going to be over. In fact it has just begun. And there’s no way you’d ever forget it happened. One way or the other it will become a part of you, of the distorted figure that has or will become you.

***consider this fiction…